A New Way to Look at A Crush
Sarah had been with her boyfriend for three years. She was very happy with him and they could see a future together. Because of this, she was baffled every time she went to her graduate chemistry class because she got intense butterflies for one of her classmates. Every time he walked into class and smiled at her or every time she heard him say something smart she would get weak in the knees. She had no intention of leaving her boyfriend for this other guy, and yet--part of her felt guilty for feeling attracted to this person and fantasizing about being with him for the few moments after he walked into the room.
Most of us are sexual human beings who will be attracted to more than one person in our lifetimes. This does not mean that all of us will cheat on our significant others or not find long sustaining healthy, happy, and monogamous relationships in our lifetime. It just means that it is normal to feel attraction to other people. We all want to be desirable and to desire others.
But what becomes so desirable? What attracts us to something or someone new? How do you take that attraction and use it to your advantage if you are in a healthy relationship that you want to stay in?
I asked Sarah this question and she had an answer that blew my mind. She said that instead of cheating on her boyfriend or seriously pursuing her new crush, she would do something empowering for herself. She decided to write down all the qualities that this new crush possessed that she was attracted to. On the list she had adjectives like smart, funny, creative, brave, and kind along with other things. Once she wrote the list she realized that all the reasons she had come up with were actually things that she wanted to develop within herself but had never fully made into a reality. She had wanted to get better grades in class, crack jokes that made everyone laugh, and pursue more of her creative passions. When she saw her crush doing the things that she wanted to do, she was attracted to his lifestyle and almost jealous that he was doing those things more successfully. She decided she would give herself some love. She signed up for painting classes, started studying harder, and treated herself to some pampering. After a few weeks, she felt much more empowered, confident, and sexy. She no longer felt the need to swoon and dream about her crush as much. Once she developed her own talents, she felt happier and more attracted to her current boyfriend because she was doing more of what she loved. By growing herself, she helped her relationship grow.